Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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