I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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