Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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