I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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