So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
