Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
