my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
