yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
don't judge my taste in strippers
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
