Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
