but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
