We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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