He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
