Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
thus making me awesome and them whores
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
