why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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