it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
