Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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