I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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