You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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