She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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