remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
