i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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