just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
