She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
