I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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