making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
