It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
