There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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