I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize