oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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