This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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