i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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