A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
