hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
