sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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