dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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