Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
