I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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