is your mom at the bar?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
