Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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