so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
