so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he fucked my hip out of place.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
