so explain again why im purple
no
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
