I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
