in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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