I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
