Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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