Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
