Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
