I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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