I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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