You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
