Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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