btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
