How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
