Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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