Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're a waste of cheezeits
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
