Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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