actually, I'm a sock model
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
