I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
