Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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