you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
