I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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