i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize