We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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