just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
