Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
