dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
