First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
