Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
