have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
