They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
