And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
