Heybabeimwearingurpanties
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
