At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize